Monthly Archives: September 2019

The best view

As we move towards success there can be any number of distractions. The trick is to know when to look sideways and benefit and when not to. Getting that right has a big impact on how effective and resilient you are. As competitive beings, many of us want to keep up with others, but by doing so we can put real pressure on ourselves. When we look at others we see what we want  — the big house, fancy holiday or expensive lifestyle — but the I want what she’s (or he’s) got mindset is rarely helpful. If you like a little competition, don’t compete with others, compete with the you from yesterday and aim to better yourself each day. Ask yourself — do you look sideways to: learn or judge? include or exclude? help or hinder? praise or criticise? accept or reject? admire or compare? To compare can sometimes motivate, but more often it distracts us from focusing on what really matters. It’s rarely helpful to look sideways at what others might have or be doing. My advice is: stop comparing! Looking behind has few benefits either, unless you look to the past to learn for the future. Take a quick glance,…

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Set for success

Decisions have been made, you know what you want and the stage is set for success. Or is it? Deciding what you want and setting goals is often a step taken. For many, however, the goals set are never realised. I believe there is a more effective way to commit to a life that rocks by using an alternative to goal setting. I’m a goal setter from way back. My family, teams and clients and I have kicked a lot of personal and business goals. But as time passed I saw that setting and achieving a goal does not necessarily bring fulfilment. In fact I saw a lot of high achievers who were not happy or fulfilled because, at some point as they climbed the ladder of success, fulfilment had escaped them. I did that for years but have now learnt a better way. I’ve felt that ‘ouch’ myself, and it was a painful but a great tipping point. As a result I teach an alternative to goal setting that delivers life-changing results. Fulfilment comes from moving forward in a direction aligned with our values — setting what I call value-based directions rather than goals. I discovered through this life changing exercise: If you…

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Courage is the fuel

Self-doubt is common, but not helpful. When it shows up in our thoughts it overpowers our beliefs and makes us a non-believer. When the inevitable tough time arrives we often can’t see how it is possible to move forward. Fear and doubt keep us stuck in a rut. There are fears and doubts we speak of and those we don’t. Those we don’t acknowledge are often the ones that keep us awake at night and give us the greatest pain. If action is the vehicle to move us forward, courage is the fuel needed to drive us from a difficult to a desired destination. But the non-believer is without this fuel, is riddled with fear and doubt and becomes immobile. The non-believer can be paralysed by: fear of failure — what if I don’t make it? fear of rejection — what will others think? fear of success — am I good enough? The non-believer is a pessimist. As Winston Churchill said, “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Self-doubt and negative thoughts hold the non-believer back from finding fulfilment as they hesitate to see a better future. Distrust and lack of belief in themselves…

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Find your tribe

One way to hinder achievement and life satisfaction is to spend time with the wrong people. By wrong people I don’t mean bad people — just people who may be negative, unfocused, and who may try to drag you into their drama. Spend time with the right people! Being with the right people can be such a cherished and unforgettable part of your life journey. These people can inspire you to great achievements, give you insight, and fill your life with excitement and energy. We get to choose what time we spend with which people. How many times have you said yes to spending time with someone who doesn’t make you feel great about who you are and where you are heading in your life? Or have you ever gone somewhere and regretted that you went because you knew there were much better ways to spend your time? Some people can deplete us, drain us of precious time and positivity, and distract us from what we value. It doesn’t mean we can never see these people (which could be hard when some of them are family!), but we need to learn how to keep them at ‘arms length’. So where are these right people? The answer…

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Attractive confidence

One of the most attractive qualities is self-confidence — when we think, talk and walk with belief and purpose. The definition of confidence is to have belief in oneself, a feeling of assurance, calm and ease. Confident people who think, talk and walk with positive action are more likely to live a life according to their values and to create the life they want. Our values play a big role in developing our level of confidence and in the actions we take. Even if confidence is absent, it will come once we start to take consistent action aligned with our values, and start to see the evidence of success show up. However according to psychologist Dr Russ Harris there can be a “confidence gap”. He says it’s the place we get stuck in when fear gets in the way of our dreams and ambitions. Harris says you know you are stuck in the confidence gap if you believe something like this: “I can’t achieve my goals, perform at a peak, do things I want to do, or behave like the person I want to be, until I feel more confident.”  Harris says that a lack of confidence is not due to stupidity,…

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