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Attractive confidence


Attractive confidence

One of the most attractive qualities is self-confidence — when we think, talk and walk with belief and purpose. The definition of confidence is to have belief in oneself, a feeling of assurance, calm and ease. Confident people who think, talk and walk with positive action are more likely to live a life according to their values and to create the life they want.

Our values play a big role in developing our level of confidence and in the actions we take. Even if confidence is absent, it will come once we start to take consistent action aligned with our values, and start to see the evidence of success show up.

However according to psychologist Dr Russ Harris there can be a “confidence gap”. He says it’s the place we get stuck in when fear gets in the way of our dreams and ambitions. Harris says you know you are stuck in the confidence gap if you believe something like this: “I can’t achieve my goals, perform at a peak, do things I want to do, or behave like the person I want to be, until I feel more confident.”

Harris says that a lack of confidence is not due to stupidity, laziness, negative thinking, a deprived childhood or a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is simply because people do not know the rules of the confidence game. He suggests a method, which is commonly used in the Western psychology called the Mindfulness–Acceptance–Commitment approach of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

He shares the five reasons most lack confidence:
1. excessive expectations
2. harsh judgement
3. preoccupation with fear
4. lack of experience
5. lack of skills.

Imagine if we could bridge the gap between knowing what we want and arriving at what we want by managing our lack of confidence. When we walk forward — even in the beginning with a lack of confidence, with doubt and with fear — we are on the way to developing newfound, attractive and life changing confidence.

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